“What we say to ourselves in the privacy of our own mind matters.” -Marie Forleo
It matters a lot!
How do you talk to yourself? I don’t mean the out-loud nonsensical chatter. I’m curious about the tone of your inner conversations. Are you kind, calm, and compassionate? Or are you gruff, rude, and critical?
If you post up in that mind of yours and REALLY pay attention for a bit, are you talking to yourself as you would a cherished friend or as someone you care very little about?
It can be helpful to ask ourselves, “If I said the same thing to a close friend, how would I expect them to respond?” Or the opposite, “If a dear friend said those words with that tone to me, how would I feel?”
How can our precious mind be peaceful and balanced if we are constantly harassing (dare I say, abusing) it?
How about we practice directing some straight-up loving kindness toward ours truly? What could be more important than treating ourselves with the care, compassion, and grace we deserve? The answer is NOTHING. Self-compassion and inner kindness are the only way.
And just like anything else, we can make it an integral habit in our lives through—you guessed it—practice.
Here are a few tips for your toolbox:
Think of your difficult emotions and thoughts as data. By tuning into these uncomfortable emotions, you start to gain a deeper and richer internal understanding. It’s helpful to ask yourself, “What is this (fill in the emotion) pointing to that’s important to me? What is it here to teach me?” This process of inquiring can provide you with precious knowledge about who you are and what really matters.
Imagine if your child (or any child) comes to you feeling sad. Would you punish or berate them? Of course not! You’d show them love and comfort. Tune into your inner child and give them the same treatment. Talk to yourself in the same way you’d connect with that little one. I often turn inward and say something calming, just as I’d talk to my daughters, like, “Oh sweetheart, it’s okay. Let’s take some deep breaths. This will pass. I love you.” It really helps.
Get curious about your experience. When you’re looking at your thoughts and emotions with a sense of interest, you’re not busy judging yourself (whew!), and this can guide you to figure out the next right step to take. You can ask yourself, “What can I do in this situation that will serve me, my values, and my goals?”
Watch your inner world closely. When you’re beating yourself up, deepening negative thought patterns, or snapping at yourself, pause and notice. You’ll feel your mind soften and in that process of recognition, the habit of kindness toward the most important person in your life will form. What a relief.
Sending love on your journey,
Leisha
